I actually
thought that time would help me organize my thoughts, but the more time I spend
in Africa, the more mixed my feelings and thoughts are. So let me start from
the beginning. Maybe narrating it chronologically will help me structuring my
perception of the facts.
I got here
on a Friday night, exactly two weeks ago, jump straight to a taxi that took me
to this nice and cozy little lodge. Since I had the whole week fully booked
with meetings and interviews, I had to spend the whole weekend working and organizing
the logistic of the project. And since those meetings were mainly in Sandton
and Pretoria (the capital of South Africa), the impression I got from the
country in the first week could not be more positive: impecable infrastructure, nice and
big houses, beautiful architecture… you feel like you could be anywhere in
Europe. I was actually blown away by the
development of South Africa.
I also did
not feel any kind of racial segregation at first. Although it´s very rare to
see white and black people hanging out together in the same group in their
spare time, they seemed to get along socially and respect each other. Although I
never felt any spark of integration between black and whites and it is very
clear from the beginning that two distinct cultures have to coexist in the same
environment, I didn´t get the sense of any kind of racism or discrimination by
both. It was not until later that I realized I was actually living inside a bubble.
On Saturday, I had the day off. It had been a
week I was in South Africa and I hadn´t been in Johannesburg yet. I read in the
Lonely Planet that, downtown, there was an artistic ghetto named Newtown. It
used to be dangerous place, but apparently the government was making an effort
to recover the area. Since I am also an artist, I decided to go there and check
it out. Before I left the lodge, the very blond blue eyed owner advised me with her
British accent: “a girl like you should not go to Johannesburg. It is not a
nice area”. Well, I´ve heard people saying the same things about Rio de Janeiro
and it is far away from reality. How could I be in South Africa and not visit
the city center of Johannesburg? It sounded like absurd to me! I dressed nicely, put my high hills
on and took my camera to register my experience in images. There I went to see
what a Saturday afternoon was like downtown.
I arrived
there and was really excited. There were markets in the streets everywhere,
people were selling all types of foods and clothes. It was a very intense cultural
experience, just like I like it. I immediately got my camera out and started
making some shots of the scenes, trying to get all the different angles I
possibly could, just like I usually do anywhere I go.
Suddenly
this very strong black guy comes towards me with an angry face and starts
shouting at me: “You can´t take pictures here! Why are you making pictures of
us?” I tried to explain I was a journalist and I was very interested in
cultural studies, but he just walked away visibly bothered by the situation.
I felt
quite intimidated and put my camera inside my bag. But I started wondering why
he was so upset. It´s pretty clear I am a tourist here and that´s what tourists do:
they take pictures of the places they visit. I started looking around, trying
to understand why. Suddenly it hit me: I was the only tourist there. This was
not a touristic area and they were not used to this kind of approach. Besides
that, I was ridiculously overdressed with my stupid Louis Vuiton scarf and my
high hills. Could I be
any more inappropriately dressed? How could I dress like
Carry Bradshaw with New York´s 5th Avenue style when I am Africa? I
took the scarf out and bought some flip flops to replace the high hills.
I thought the problem was solved: no more pictures and dressing appropriate. However, I still
felt like people were looking at me telling me with their eyes I was not
supposed to be there.
I swear for
God, it took me half an hour to notice that I was the only “white” person there.
Call me dumb, but I never understood the concept of races, I understand the
concept of cultures. And, since I really believe that cultural exchange
experiences enrich us as human beings, I never discriminated anyone just
because they have a different cultural background than me. In the opposite, I
actually value that, because I know whenever you have the chance to get in touch with a different culture,
you also have the chance to enlarge your Cosmo vision.
Anyways,
that “problem” I could not solve. There was nothing I could do to feel welcome
in that place, just because they thought I was different from them. It was
cold, so I decided to get a coffee somewhere. I could not find any coffee shop,
so I went into a bar. The moment I stepped into the bar, I felt like giraffe in
the middle of New York City. Everyone looked at me, some with curiosity and
some with anger. To tell you the truth, it was more like men looked at me with
curiosity, women with anger. But I kept going, looking desperately for coffee.
I really needed caffeine at the point.
In the back
of the bar, there was a table with five guys and they were smiling at me.
Finally, some friendly people! I walked towards them and sat down. We started
talking and having fun together. In ten minutes, like a shift, when I mixed
with this group of black guys, I didn´t feel like an outcast anymore. At last,
I could solve the unsolvable problem and I felt like a human being again!
It reminded
me of a conversation I had with one of my best friends, who is black. I frankly
thought it was an absurd when she told me that, whenever she was within a group
of black people, she had a different treatment from society compared to the
times she was hanging out with white people. Now I could feel that on my own
skin.
Last Friday
night, I went out with the journalist who is working with me here. We went to a
place called Melville to have dinner. After that, we noticed that the night
life in that area was quite active and we decided to check it out. We went to
three bars. We couldn’t help noticing some facts: in the first one, which was
quite small, there were two tables occupied plus us: one table was composed by
a group of white people and the other one by a group of black people.
Then we
went to another bar and there were only black people. Not even one single white person.
We sat down and started talking to the waitress about several subjects and we
mentioned we were only going to have one drink and then go home. She brought us
what we ordered and five minutes later she came and asked: “Can I bring you the
bill?” We looked at one another quite surprised with that attitude, without
knowing what to answer. I can´t quite
affirm if we were being kicked out of the bar, but we cannot discard that
possibility. We will really never know.
And guess what
we found in the third bar just two houses away? Only white people. In a country where 95% of the population is black, in that bar not even one black soul. And then I started wondering: Am I starting to be racist,
noticing the color of people´s skin after 28 years? Of course I was not! The
problem is that I am in a racist country. You don´t see that many people mixed
here, like you would see in Brazil, for example. I am myself a mixture of
German, oriental, Portuguese, Indian and black. Mixtures are quite common in
Brazil, but not here: there is black, there is white and there is nothing in
between. There is no such thing as gray. The Apartheid might have been
abolished 18 years ago, but the invisible line that segregates both groups is
still pretty visible, at least to me.
Before labeling
people by their gender, color, nationality, religion or sexuality, I like to
think we are all human beings, in the first place. I always thought that there
is no need to see the differences before seeing the similarities. So you can
only imagine the cultural shock I´ve been through in the past two weeks. I
believe things will start to settle down now, so I can finally get a clear
picture of what is really going on.
In my next post I will talk a little about my experience with the huge social-economic differences. I hope to see you around!
